Now, I’m a city girl, pollution in my veins, CO2 emisions entwined in my Primarni Blazer, smog blowing out my nostrils…. I mean who could want for better? Read More
DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel London – Westminster is where myself and a friend ventured to check out the special Tea, Cakes, and Pink Champagne the hotel offered.
It was a special occasion in order to celebrate my birthday and also to have a good old natter and catch up over highly calorific treats. I had been looking forward to the experience and to be quite honest the experience did not fail.
National statistics of the UK show over 2.0 million homes are Single Parents with dependent children. In 2011 women accounted for 92% of lone parents with dependent children 8% were Men.
After my separation and divorce I categorised myself as a mum who lived alone with her child. I did all the normal things that were expected, you know, check out all the schemes I would be entitled to, looked at any benefits that were open to me, I had long meaningful chats with other ‘S parents’ whom had trodden the lonely road years before, they were able to give me advice and so on. I gleaned information off the internet, I shouted at the tv when another cut was made by the government regarding Children Services I mean, I did it ALL.
You see I wanted EVERYTHING but didn’t want the label, I didn’t want to be known as a Single Parent, I didn’t even want to utter the word so for a while I regarded myself as a ‘S parent’. I categorised Single parents in the below format.
- Someone who got pregnant at school (young)
- Someone who didn’t work and had lots of children
- Loud mouthed woman with no behaviour and lots of children
- Someone who couldn’t get their boyfriend to marry them
- Someone who wasn’t good with contraception
All the above (in my mind) was not me, I mean I was MARRIED and therefore did it ‘Right’ by the church and in societies eyes. I maintained in my mind that at under no circumstances I would be described as a ‘S Parent’. In conversation with other ‘S parents’ they would use the term ‘Us single parents’ like it was a team or it was some sort of elite status, for me it wasn’t anything to be proud of and I definitely did not ask for that kind of status. Whenever I heard the S word it was surrounded with turmoil, heartache, and struggle. I was far better than that!, or was I ? I mean was I really?
I refused to see the positives of being a ‘S parent’ until I finally woke up and realised my important role. I cannot deny alot of my feelings came from guilt, I was afraid my son would grow up damaged by only having one live in parent I felt I had failed him. However it became more and more apparent that my son was happy, happy with his little life, his toys, his friends, family on both side and me as his mum. I gained confidence as a ‘S Mum’ I spoke with people about my thoughts, I took solace in other ‘S Mums’ whom had trodden the path I was on and had brought up beautiful, intelligent children into adulthood.
By speaking to these women I realised the strength it takes to get up and deal with children by yourself. Some had support of the father, others didnt. I was in awe of these women whom wore their Single Mother/Parent status with PRIDE. The other day whilst in conversation I described myself as a Single Mum, to the person I spoke with it meant nothing, to me in meant EVERYTHING.
How do you feel about being a single parent if you are?
Are you a child of a single parent family? How has it defined you?
Would love to hear from you Like, Subscribe, Share
Miss Ali xx
Do you ever feel nostalgic when a birthday looms? Questions start to come thick and fast, What have you achieved in the year?What could you have done better? What dreams/goals are you one step closer to?
I do it all the time, and this year is no different. You see I have a birthday coming and I will OFFICIALLY be over my mid-thirties, and for once I feel good about the prospect of getting older. Over the years I have been able to right wrongs and focus on many aspects of my life that needed tweaking. Officially (in my mind and another post) I became a Single Parent this has enabled me to ‘leap out in faith’ I have no time for procrastination having a small child doesn’t allow me to ponder a great deal, I know the impact on any decision I make will effect not only me, but my son.. I just do!
When I reached my 30th birthday I had a total breakdown, it was real, and very scary I found myself frantically leafing through the pages of my 20s, stopping at pages I liked, and trying to burn the ones I didn’t. I wont deny I wanted my 20s back!, carefree days, lots of money days, years of sitting around at friends and chatting about everything and nothing days! I laugh as I write this because it seemed so silly but back then it caused me great anxiety, after fully accepting the new decade that so far has been highly emotional, and fully charged this is what have I learned.
- Family is Everything
- Good friends are sent from God that hold you up when you need holding
- Don’t rush Love
- Children are a gift (although can be annoying) from God
- Laugh Freely
- Save your money
- Forgive those that have wronged you
- Not everyone will like you
- Not all men are bastards
- Take care of yourself
- Maintain your dignity through it all
- Don’t wish for things others have been blessed with your time is coming
- People will come in and out of your life do not question it enjoy them
- Trust God
So thats it Bless x
Well here I am…. A Mother, Divorcee, Older, Wiser, Lighter, Stronger,Believer, Happier, Angrier,Thoughtful, Non Bullshitter, Bullshitter, I mean the list could go on,but I choose not to bog you down with the last 5 years… well not yet anyway . I decided to blog again because I love to write, I wanted my thoughts down on paper so to speak, I wanted a place to express and hopefully, maybe somebody would read and think ” I know where this woman is coming from”.
I am aware there are a million and one lifestyle blogs similar but guess what? There is now a million and two all of us with a voice, and a story if you will. So this is where I let you in to my everyday thoughts, comings and goings, outs and abouts, reviews and much more…
So enjoy mon ami enjoy! Like Share subscribe
Miss Ali x