‘S Parent’

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National statistics of the UK show over 2.0 million homes are Single Parents with dependent children.  In 2011 women accounted for 92% of lone parents with dependent children 8% were Men.

After my separation and divorce I categorised  myself as a mum who lived alone with her child.  I did all the normal things that were expected, you know, check out all the schemes I would be entitled to, looked at any benefits that were open to me, I had long meaningful chats with other ‘S parents’ whom had trodden the lonely road years before, they were able to give me advice and so on.  I gleaned information off the internet, I shouted at the tv when another cut was made by the government regarding Children Services I mean, I did it ALL.

You see I wanted EVERYTHING but didn’t want the label, I didn’t want to be known as a Single Parent, I didn’t even want to utter the word so for a while I regarded myself as a ‘S parent’. I categorised Single parents in the below format.

  • Someone who got pregnant at school (young)
  • Someone who didn’t work and had lots of children
  • Loud mouthed woman with no behaviour and lots of children
  • Someone who couldn’t get their boyfriend to marry them
  • Someone who wasn’t good with contraception

All the above (in my mind) was not me, I mean I was MARRIED and therefore did it ‘Right’ by the church and in societies eyes. I maintained in my mind that at under no circumstances I would be described as a ‘S Parent’.  In conversation with other ‘S parents’ they would use the term ‘Us single parents’ like it was a team or it was some sort of elite status, for me it wasn’t anything to be proud of and I definitely did not ask for that kind of status.  Whenever I heard the S word  it was surrounded with turmoil, heartache, and struggle.  I was far better than that!, or was I ? I mean was I really?

I refused to see the positives of being a ‘S parent’ until I finally woke up and realised my important role.  I cannot deny alot of my feelings came from guilt, I was afraid my son would grow up damaged by only having one live in parent I felt I had failed him.  However it became more and more apparent that my son was happy, happy with his little life, his toys, his friends, family on both side and me as his mum.  I gained confidence as a ‘S Mum’ I spoke with people about my thoughts, I took solace in other ‘S Mums’ whom had trodden the path I was on and had brought up beautiful, intelligent children into adulthood.

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By speaking to these women I realised the strength it takes to get up and deal with children by yourself.  Some had support of the father, others didnt.  I was in awe of these women whom wore their Single Mother/Parent status with PRIDE.  The other day whilst  in conversation I described myself as a Single Mum, to the person I spoke with it meant nothing, to me in meant EVERYTHING.

How do you feel about being a single parent if you are?

Are you a child of a single parent family? How has it defined you?

Would love to hear from you Like, Subscribe, Share

Miss Ali xx

Like a fine wine..

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Do you ever feel nostalgic when a birthday looms? Questions start to come thick and fast, What have you achieved in the year?What could you have done better? What dreams/goals are you one step closer to?

I do it all the time, and this year is no different.  You see I have a birthday coming and I will  OFFICIALLY be over my mid-thirties, and for once I feel good about the prospect of getting older. Over the years I have been able to right wrongs and focus on many aspects of my life that needed tweaking.  Officially (in my mind and another post) I became a Single Parent this has enabled me to  ‘leap out in faith’  I have no time for procrastination having a small child doesn’t allow me to ponder a great deal, I know the impact on any decision I make will effect not only me, but my son.. I just do!

When I reached my 30th birthday I had a total breakdown, it was real, and very scary I found myself frantically leafing through the pages of my 20s, stopping at pages I liked, and trying to burn the ones I didn’t.  I wont deny I wanted my 20s back!, carefree days, lots of money days, years of sitting  around at friends and chatting about everything and nothing days!  I laugh as I write this because it seemed so silly but back then it caused me great anxiety, after fully accepting the new decade that so far has been highly emotional, and fully charged this is what have I learned.

  • Family is Everything
  • Good friends are sent from God that hold you up when you need holding
  • Don’t rush Love
  • Children are a gift (although can be annoying) from God
  • Laugh Freely
  • Save your money
  • Forgive those that have wronged you
  • Not everyone will like you
  • Not all men are bastards
  • Take care of yourself
  • Maintain your dignity through it all
  • Don’t wish for things others have been blessed with your time is coming
  • People will come in and out of your life do not question it enjoy them
  • Trust God

So thats it Bless x

Since you have been gone….

 

Well here I am…. A Mother, Divorcee, Older, Wiser, Lighter, Stronger,Believer, Happier, Angrier,Thoughtful, Non Bullshitter, Bullshitter, I mean the list  could go on,but I choose not to bog you down with the last 5 years… well not yet anyway  . I decided to blog again because I love to write, I wanted my thoughts down on paper so to speak,  I wanted a place to express and hopefully, maybe somebody would read and think  ” I know where this woman is coming from”.

 

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I am aware there are a million and one lifestyle blogs similar but guess what? There is now a million and two all of us with a voice, and  a story if you will. So this is where I let you in to my everyday thoughts, comings and goings, outs and abouts, reviews and much more…

So enjoy mon ami enjoy! Like Share subscribe

Miss Ali x

 

Baby

My life changed in September of 2010…..I had a baby.  It had pretty much been myself and partner for 5 years.. alone… then came along our child.  He was perfect in all ways, beautiful smile that would melt a thousand hearts he was everything, just everything.

OK now the reality, there are many things that people do not tell you about having a baby I have compiled a list and will go through the points one by one.

1. Sleep Deprivation

Have you ever not slept for a day? it’s a BITCH isn’t it? well 4 months and counting and im a walking zombie.

2.

Changing nappies

I have no problem with baby urine, its the poo I have a problem with!! you can often hear a ‘discussion’ between myself and then husband as to who will change the poopy nappy.

3.

Body Changes

Listen I wasnt a size 8 or anything but I had a pretty nice stomach 😉 it now resembles the underground map.  “Did you not use stretch mark prevention cream”? I hear you ask? …no evidently.

4.

People telling you what to do

You will be treated like a child, funny that considering you have just given birth to one and you are now considered a ‘Mother’.  They *insert name here* will believe that you have NO IDEA as to what you are doing and that you probably fail without thier help.  I found that I smiled sweetly took their advice and went home with my baby.  At the end of the day you don’t have to take the advice, but don’t be rude when you receive it they are only trying to help.

This is just a snippet into my daily role as a new mum, I could have written so many things but I started to sound to negative about the whole experience.  I wouldn’t change this feeling for the world, in fact I could even touch a pooey nappy for it  xx

For Master love you like Oxtail and Butterbeans (my favourite dish).

The Poppy

As a child I heard many stories about the war, every year silver haired veterans would stand by a wreath alongside the Queen at a ceremony each November in London. As a child I didn’t really like watching the ceremony due to the sadness etched on everyone’s face, it was a time where the TV was switched very quickly to a more child orientated programme.
My attitude changed whilst working in Westminster a few years ago, we were asked if we wanted to walk down to the memorial and partake in the ceremony I said yes, I mean what harm could it be. What was interesting was just that very year my father had told me that my Grandfather had fought in the 1st world war, he was a Commonwealth solider that was drafted from the Caribbean to fight in the Somme. Suddenly it became all to real for me, I decided to go to the ceremony not only for my grandfather but for all those young men who had given their lives for Queen and Country.
It was a week day and I remember taking the short walk to the Cenotaph a large crowd had gathered many where the silver haired veterans that I had seen on the TV I looked closely in the crown and I saw much older frail gentlemen some being minded by their carers. I watched in awe at these old frail men many of whom were in their last years or maybe months of life, they had manged to make their way to the memorial to remember the harrowing ordeal of the war, I am sure as they waited memories of their friends whom had lost their lives, maybe even the sounds of the sirens, the many injured, and the dead came flooding back, I assumed that the much older men were from the first world war

These brave men whom fought for a Country that is now …today ‘broken’ , I thought of my own Grandfather whom went to war proud, for a Queen and Country he had never been to, a country where eventually his son and grandchildren would settle. A country that is bitter towards his son and grandchildren and often wants them to leave and ‘go back to their own country’, a country that is intolerant of Mass immigration, a country where bullets often fly, crack needles litter the street, people are out of work..he fought strong and hard and lost his eye to the country his children now called home the country paved with that imaginary Gold.
My thoughts were broken by a wail in the crowd, I looked to see the frail old man in his wheelchair crying uncontrollably, crying with pain, and heartache, crying from the memories of the war. The minute silence had begun and all that could be heard was this old man, whom once had dreams, aspirations to make sure Britain was free……Thank you Veterans
Thank you Grandad
And Thank you Old man with dreams of a free word.

The man in the mirror

 I had a strange feeling on 25th June 2009 I remember coming home from work , feeling ‘weird’ getting a phone call with some upsetting news and sitting on front of the television thinking its a strange old day. Four hours later news of Michael Jackson being rushed to hospital broke……I started to feel numb….news was buzzing, Internet chatrooms were on overload people were wondering was this true I for one could not comprehend let alone expect ‘Dead’ and Micheal Jackson EVER being in the same sentence, however yes those words were in the same sentence and it was very true.

A classic, “where were you when”moment, many people asked this question regarding John F Kennedy, Elvis, even Princess Diana, well ….I was in bed. It was as if one of our own had passed, people were ringing each other passing the news, people who had long stopped liking him as an artist were all saddened, Michael was gone.

 I had always liked Michael Jackson you could say that I was a fan my first memories were at aged 3 watching the ‘can you feel it’ video by the Jacksons. A year later I sat in awe watching ‘Billy Jean’ and Michael stepping on the pavements, lighting them up with every choreographed step. I tried in vain to light up Streatham High Road ….but it didn’t happen.

Bad era was when I really became a fan, the rest was history until I got to secondary school and found that it was ‘uncool’ to be a fan of someone with plastic surgery. I began to dislike him because I felt that he didn’t want to be true to himself it was hard for me because I was going through puberty/life changes and really not wanting to be me, apparently MJ didn’t either he was able to change his face many couldn’t.

I had a friend at school who was a lifelong fan of Michael Jackson, through his troubles she stood firm she loved him. Many of our classmates and myself ridiculed her but she didn’t care, secretly I admired her for her loyalty something I had long since lost. Nonetheless I called her on the 26th June I left my condolences on Facebook, she responded by saying that she new I was a MJ secret fan, I laughed ..I suppose she was right.

You see, it was plain to see that Michael Jackson touched many peoples lives even those who don’t want to admit it. From the parents who grew up with ‘little Michael Jackson’, the cool older brothers or sisters who loved his ‘off the wall era’ or his Jheri Curled Billy Jean look. The thirty somethings that grew up with Bad and dangerous or the emotional fan who cried at his concerts. He touched us all…the man in the mirror

Rest in peace Micheal