I want to be a….

Do you remember that advert circa 1990’s?  It was the advert where numerous characters talked about their aspirations, using the simple sentence ‘I want to be…’ One of the individuals proclaimed  ‘I want to be a treeeeee’! .  I remember as a teenager we would all say that line in class which would result in us erupting into laughter.  As funny as it was at the time; was wanting to become a tree really that farfetched? I mean what was exactly wrong with the guys aspirations? We all have to be something right?.

2016 and a few grey hairs later, we are now taught that we can do/ be whatever we want to be.  You want to become a Dr? Sure go right ahead. You want to be the next Michael Jackson (Chamon) who’s stopping you. We are now living in a time where this is all achievable right?.

The sad thing is many don’t , won’t or can’t. We blame others for our lack of self belief, whilst bypassing ourselves.  It is easier to blame people or situations, easier to conjure up ways to stop ourselves from really reaching our potential and goals.  For many years I dreamt of writing, I didn’t want huge acclaim or anything like that, I just wanted to write and for people to enjoy what I did.  I read many books and aspired to be the next Judy Blume.  I wrote little poems, and short stories but could never bring myself to let anyone read them.

The urge to transport  audiences imagination to another realm consumed my everyday thoughts, however I stopped myself from ever truly believing in myself. I mean how could that be possible? How could I not have faith in my own abilities? I mean if anyone should believe in you it should be YOU right?

As I matured I wrote more and even showed a select few my writings. They all said the usual ‘nice’ things, and then my life got in the way. I put my pen up and got on with things. As I write this I can see that the block in my progression was because of me, and my constant lack of self belief.  Thinking now I can see that I was my own worst enemy. I feared I was not good enough and had no real talent.  I conjured up all the excuses in the world, until one day I spoke with a friend who encouraged me to blog.  So here I am wanting to be a tree.