Chapter 40

“When I entered my 30s a lot had already gone down. I was literally looking over a precipice waiting to step off into the unknown, an unknown that was filling my mind with dread and fear”

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3 things I learnt in 2017- Oh and Happy New Year!

Happy New year

 At the beginning of last year, I wrote a piece entitled ‘5 reasons I stopped caring in 2016′. I enjoyed writing it, I was able to get rid of my frustrations and have fun with it at the same time. I drew a virtual line under a frustrating year and poked fun at myself at the same time.

Today, (as I write) I am in a very different place. I am in a state of reflection and at peace. So what did I really learn from the year that was 2017.

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The Norm

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In my 20s I was always out doing something or being around someone’s house. It was like I was some kind of lizard tasting the outside air with my tongue. Oh how things have so changed, you are more likely to find me enjoying cosy evenings, TV or YouTube, a movie or just the Internet (which is my idea of bliss).

I started to believe I was becoming a bit of a recluse. I knew I wasn’t, I just enjoyed my own little cosy existence. I wondered if it was because I didn’t enjoy the ‘norm’ anymore, or maybe I allowed my own selfish pursuits to take over. I felt like (and still do) I was desperately trying to break out of an imaginary mould. A mould set by my parents, family, and peers. A mould of expectations, culture, norms and values passed down by flawed ancestors to a flawed individual.

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5 reasons I stopped caring in 2016

I stopped caring about catching that train

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If you know me or are privy to my FB page you would have seen my rants. The rants consisted of me verbally abusing the Southern Rail Network . For some reason or another this particular train network didn’t like taking people to work (myself included). As we enter into 2017 I have decided to not care about them. I decided not to waste my usually boring FB posts on the whole sad situation. I concluded that I had far more pressing things to worry about. I would not waste my precious time on a waste of space train network.

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Anger

 

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My name is Alison I am a Christian, I have faith and I was told to ‘turn the other cheek’.Over the last few months, I have struggled with turning my perfectly made up and highlighted cheek any other way but straight ahead. I decided that my anger and defiance enabled me to look straight ahead and lock my situation straight in the eye.

I realised that this went against everything I had been told or even believed but I am angry, wronged, and full of rage. Maybe you are reading this and wondering, maybe you are not. All I can tell you is that I am angry, I am human and I will deal with it.

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Thoughts

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There is two parts to Alison the ditzy joker, optimistic (on occasion) and the forever teenager.  There is the other part of me that loves to be alone and deep in thought. As I have aged I found the ‘alone in thought’ persona occurs more often. It can be difficult when you are a parent to truly have that alone time especially with a larger than life 5-year-old. I often wait for the quiet moments when I am able to have some alone time,  it is then that I enrich my soul in thought.

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BIRTHDAY GREETINGS…..A Year older…wiser?

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Hello!!! well as you can see it is that time again, and I am celebrating another year of life.  I asked a few friends if they could tell me where the time had gone because I sure as hell didn’t know where it had disappeared to.  Just as I thought, they were unable to tell me and I was left to collect my thoughts, whilst rocking by myself in a corner (I’m joking about the rocking part but you get my drift) .  I spent most of the evening prior to my birthday listening to music enabling me to reminisce my school years transporting me to a time when music was at its best, it was a nice evening and I guess it left me warm and fuzzy inside.   Read More