I stopped caring about catching that train
If you know me or are privy to my FB page you would have seen my rants. The rants consisted of me verbally abusing the Southern Rail Network . For some reason or another this particular train network didn’t like taking people to work (myself included). As we enter into 2017 I have decided to not care about them. I decided not to waste my usually boring FB posts on the whole sad situation. I concluded that I had far more pressing things to worry about. I would not waste my precious time on a waste of space train network.
Southern equally do not care about me. They do not care that I have often ‘broken my neck’ trying to get to my destination especially with a 6 year old. I was often greeted to cancelled trains, delayed trains, broken down trains, trains that were two carriages long, and finally trains that flew past me whilst I waited. So in 2017 Southern, I stopped caring about your lack of caring for me. In 2017 I am flyin…
I stopped caring about being alone
I am at a point where I do not worry about being in a relationship (or not). I worried when I was younger which led to disastrous consequences, but now no. I had many conversations relating to the state of dating in 2016. I listen to the angst, the misconceptions, the right wing and left wing approach to all things love, and I gave up.
I had my fill of online self help channels, or cryptic twitter rants about F**k boys and ratchet chicks. The oversaturation of depressive people and their love life was making me want to pull out my eyelashes. Over the last few years I witnessed true love through marriages, 50 something wedding anniversaries, or just the simple friendship with an equal soul.
Love does not choose some and disregard others. Love is unique and can be shown in various ways, not just through two consenting adults. I realised the smallest of gestures often came from a loving place, it was then I truly understood.
I have learnt that just by being ‘still’ and recognising that if love happens then great! If it doesn’t then great!
Maybe some of you will say ‘yeah right’ or ‘she is just saying that’. Ok cool…but the next time you see me and I am excited about the next blog post or my new found smile….. I did say.
I stopped caring about my limitations
Wow this was a big one, 2016 was definitely a game changer. You know when you have lots of big dreams and ‘talk a good talk’ all whilst not doing anything about it? Well that was I. As a child I daydreamed a lot, constantly in fact. I spent most of my childhood on an imaginary film set. I was the Princess, A Goonie, Maria in West Side Story and Sandy from Grease.
I had the ability to teleport myself to other worlds all between the first school bell and home time. In reality my self-belief failed me, my lack of courage exhausted me, and my self-doubt crippled me. The sound of me talking myself out of something became deafening. For someone who dreamed BIG I thought SMALL.
When my marriage ended I was left with a small life form waiting to be nurtured, a house (and all that came with it), a job, a looming divorce (plus expenses), and a head full of crazy thoughts. I did not believe I could get through the hurdles life had presented. Sure I was not unique, so many people I knew had gotten through worse however, I could not see past the front door or more importantly my mind.
I felt defeated before I had even begun, and as I took small steps to my new life. I could not see that with each step I was progressing. It took persuasion in order for me to truly accept that I was moving forward. What was designed to break me had only made me stronger. Fast-forward to 2016 and things are different. I had made significant gains within my personal and professional life, finally I had stopped putting blocks in front of me. Finally I dared to dream and turn my dreams into a reality. I stopped caring about what would, or could stop me. I was a Goonie.
I stopped caring about the Kardashians
Yes, yes I was a fan. I loved them. I am embarrassed to admit (well not really). I spent many a Sunday watching the Kardashians. I laughed with them, I cried with them, I gave birth with them, I flicked my imaginary hair with them, and when they shopped in Balmain I shopped in Primark. I stopped short of changing my sex though, I felt that would be problematic.
Do not ask me why I found these women engaging, but I did. In 2016 I stopped caring about them. I mean what the actual F? . Although this was reality TV, I felt I had lost track of reality
I made the decision to read more. Instead of engaging in unhealthy media outlets, I decided to read and learn. I researched my heritage, my faith, and my beliefs. I tried to understand who I really was. I stripped back the religion that I had been born into, and dissected where my people were from. I did this because I wanted to relay the information to my son one day. I wanted to be able to relay a story of triumph and not what Kim Kardashian was wearing.
It is easy to get involved in the latest box set, or celebrity series. I feel all these things are designed to take us away from the truth. So in 2016 I stopped caring about Kim and started caring more about me.
I just stopped
In 2016 I just stopped. I didn’t do much, I got on with life and chilled. I went to Ascot, got out of London for a bit and really enjoyed peace. I spent a lot of time in my own company and enjoyed it, I mean I can be quite cool.
I meditated and sought inner peace. And it was amazing.
Happy New Year x