Anger

 

My name is Alison I am a Christian, I have faith and I was told to ‘turn the other cheek’.Over the last few months, I have struggled with turning my perfectly made up and highlighted cheek any other way but straight ahead. I decided that my anger and defiance enabled me to look straight ahead and lock my situation straight in the eye.

I realised that this went against everything I had been told or even believed but I am angry, wronged, and full of rage. Maybe you are reading this and wondering, maybe you are not. All I can tell you is that I am angry, I am human and I will deal with it.

Long ago I believed that everyone was perfect. I belonged to a happy place where I learned that God is love and Jesus died for our sins. Many times I would pat myself on the back and say ‘well done you have learned you bible verses and can recite them without even thinking’ I felt accomplished. In reality, it wasn’t enough it had caused me to retract from real life, real emotions, or just the ability to be real and true to myself.

Was it wrong that I believed the preacher when he said, ‘everything would be alright’ I mean why wouldn’t it be all right? Right now fast-forward twenty years, I am livid. Everything was not ‘alright’ the cocoon that I was raised in disintegrated and I have been exposed to the elements of life something the church couldn’t keep me from. I can only blame myself, I didn’t listen I ran with the wind of intrigue and got entangled. I was taught to love everyone and treat him or her as equals. I found myself asking what happens if they do not love you back? What happens when you are trodden beneath their feet?

So here I am standing here looking my disappointments in the eye. I will not let them defeat me, nor will I let them define who I am. You said to turn the other cheek, what a difficult thing to do when you are curled up on the floor waiting for the next blow. Anger can make you do strange things, for me it drove me. Anger has pushed me to achieve things I would never have dreamed of so please do not judge me I am Human, I am emotional, I am me.

I remember seeing the best in others, I could never imagine I would be let down by ‘others’ hurt by ‘others’ or abused by ‘others’. I never thought that by seeing the best would give room to the worst. One day my anger will subside like a wave retreating from the shore and I will smile again. Lately, I have been angry at my treatment the unrelenting ambush of hatred that has been hurled my way, I know that I must face my abusers now and show my teeth.

God made me a human he knows my limitations and my emotions and through it all I must ‘turn the other cheek’. We have all been there haven’t we? Trying to persuade yourself to ignore people, be gracious even when we shouldn’t be. I want to be that person but right now let me be human.   My raw emotions need to be exposed I am sick of being the perfect person all because I have been told to turn the other cheek.

Today I was sent a devotion by one of the angels I call a friend. I am blessed to have many ‘angels’ who are friends, they all have their own purpose or role. This particular friend encourages me with a devotional each morning. By sending these devotions they have helped fill the angry holes that appeared in my life. These readings have been timely; I feel that by reading them I have begun to learn to turn the other cheek.

My name is Alison I am a Christian, I have faith, I was told to turn the other cheek but I am human.