I heart Exercise…not

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Hi my name is Alison, and I love food, this is somewhat of a problem because I like clothes too. For health, fitness, and being able to fit into my skinny jeans, I decided to make some changes.

In order for these changes to take place, I decided to embark on a new health and fitness regime for 2015. I do try to be an honest citizen, so it is with a heavy heart I must admit I HATE it. After having a small elephant live in me for 9 (nearly 10) months, this little elephant stretched parts that didn’t need to be stretched. My once small stomach stretched beyond recognition, and I am now a caricature of my former self. I am not bitter about it, however my stomach most definitely is.

I decided (forced) to make a change (Chamon) for the better. I believed that 2015 would be the year that I would emerge into ‘Jane Fonda Alison’. I cannot lie, I hate it, and I am unable to get excited or have mental orgasms about the latest fitness regime. I do not wet the seat of my pants at eating brown rice, nor do I sing hallelujah chorus at freaking vegetable smoothies. Who cares about how much fat to eat, and how much fibre is good for better bowel movements, or even reducing red meat. I just want to sit on my couch and watch The Kardashians, eat a hot wing, and belch.

I hate what I have become; I lay in bed at night tormented because I have missed an exercise session. I curse the fact that I have become a green leaf muncher and can be often found jumping around my living room. I have been caught (on occasion), eyeing up ’20 ways to cook brown rice’ whilst surfing the Internet. I was embarrassed, nothing more was said about it, and afterwards I promptly shoved a bar of Kit-Kat in my mouth to feel better, just to get things on an even keel.

I now know the difference between downward, and yes upward dog. I mean who cares? Will it end word poverty? No, but for some reason I have learnt how to do them.

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Do you know what I really hate? I hate that my arms are getting a little smaller day-by-day, and slightly more toned. I absolutely hate that I can run more, because that will now mean I have to play outside in the fresh air with my son more often. I hate that I actually enjoy this sh*t, my life is definitely going downhill when I can ENJOY the healing touch of spandex on my skin.

As I sit and write, I am gearing myself up for another fitness class. Each week I endure torture, I often have thoughts of murdering the Instructor. I would not act this out of course, it just helps me through a burpee each week, call it meditation if you will. So 2015 is my year to get more active, and healthier …and I hate it.

Join me for Insanity Live

Thursday’s, 7pm, (The Gym) Balham SDA Church

83  Elmfield Road

Balham

SW17 7BQ

Bring a friend if you don’t like them very much

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